Letter from Fanny to Frank Hall, from Plattsburgh, NY.
Plattsburgh Jan. 26, 1863
My dearest one,
I cannot tell you how much this letter
has been in my thoughts for I am hoping to take it myself to the cars for
Mr. Signor to hand to Capt. Wood. And so I trust it will really reach you.
Your dear letter of the 14th came to me Saturday and as it was directed to
Hartford I presume you cannot have received any letters from me at that time
since the 1st of Jan. I do not see why there should be such wonderful
irregularity about the mails. I am sure it ought not to do so. For what a
little world of anxious hearts it makes. Only those who know by experience
can realize anything about it. As I have written you I thought I knew before
I tried it; but I did not. Now deary Just a few words to tell me how you
are would be such a comfort. I do not mean to send a letter every day for
there is the journal letter but every two or three days if you can consistently;
even an envelope only writing on it how you are. But if in order to do even
this you have to ride about, in order to mail the letter, I do not want it,
remember please. Since Jan. came in, I have had three letters (that is, written
this month), one the 1, 5, 14. So, you see my imagination has had rather
abundant scope. Then I want to beg of you again, not to conceal anything
from me; and not to ask anyone to refrain in any manner from writing about
you in their letters. It would pain and grieve me deeply to have you do anything
that would lead anyone to feel you did in any measure, wish to keep them
from writing just as fully as might be. Will you give me the assurance that
you have not or will not intimate in any way, to anyone any restriction about
writing about you. It would be a real comfort to my heart, and I am sure
you will do all you can to make me comfortable & to give me the assurance
I so much desire.
Dear, dear hubbie you cannot know how my
heart is with you by day, and by night & how deeply & tenderly I
love you, my own one. I have written incessantly begging you if you were
sick, or injured in any way, not only to keep your promise & send for
me by telegraph, but also to send someone on and let them telegraph beyond
Washington. Military matters so usurp the lines, that it will not be safe
to trust to telegraph alone. The messenger could take that manner, &
could let me hear of course much sooner than he could make the Journey though
it would be well for the messenger to come on also, so as to make surety
doubly sure.
Remember you are my dearest earthly love
& how my heart is bound up in you and do I entreat of you give me the
comfort of this promise my husband. It would be such a relief and it seems
as if you realized at all my intense anxiety you would give me the promise
of this.
I have just been away from my letter to
see Mr. & Mrs. Myers & since I have come to our room, I have been
engaged in prayer that I might be guided rightly & wisely in all that
I should write to you. I sent you several days ago Mr. Myers' private message.
God grant my dearest one, that if anything is done, your mind may be guided
from on High, as well as the minds of the people here. Even the thought that
it may be, half frightens me, it would be such a realization of my fondest
idea, yet one that seemed so unlikely to even come about. Oh, how earnestly,
how fervently I have, and do pray that they and you may be guided from on
High. I was told that the time of the 16th is out in May. I don't know, it
is almost too good to be true. Yet how wonderfully God has led us thus far.
To me this would be beyond all power of expression dear, as you know. But
in this, as in every thing else, all I can do is to pray most earnestly to
our Father to guide the hearts & minds of the people and yours also.
In case there is an opening, could we have asked anything in the wide world
better. It makes me tremble with hope deep, deep in my heart. Will you not
see God's guiding love in it?
I find I have written so that my letter
may be enigmatical. I hope a copy of what I referred to as having written
you soley on Mr. Myers own responsibility & so will send it in this.
Mr. Myers spoke more confidently this morning. Dear, dear Frank, I know one
thing in case you would have the pastoral duty where I hear there has been
a vacuum.
I must not write more, I feel too much.
Pray earnestly; I shall most certainly & that I can do & know it
is all in God's hands.
Capt. Wood, dearest, told me you had talked
of having me with you. Do you know at all what a comfort that was to me.
You had not written about & oh it made my heart well up within me, my
conversation with him. He will tell you all about it. Oh how kind &
considerate he was. He said he would take me on, but of course the reputed
move renders that an impossibility, You cannot think how much good it did
my heart to know you had thought and talked about it. I am sure it would
not be wise now. I shall think & pray as ever for you only more
earnestly.
I want to say a few words to you in regard
to your exposure during the battle of Fredericksburgh. I have written much
about it, but you may not have received my letters. Dr. Coit, in his bible
class, brought out a point that struck me very forcibly for you; when Christ,
in his humanity was tempted to throw himself down from the temple, Luke
4-9-10-11. Urging the plan that "it is written, He shall give his angels
charge over thee to keep thee" & c., "Christ answers him, Thou shalt
not tempt the Lord thy God." So, we must not presume upon the promises of
God; and there rush into danger but must answer, "Thou shalt not tempt the
Lord thy God." We must use means in order to effect ends. God has so decreed
it. We must not needlessly put ourselves in peril, & then expect a miracle.
Whether you regard the text as did Dr. Coit the truth is patent; and I pray
you to bear it in mind as a duty to God and to your wife. I do not ask you,
(& I know how needless it would be to do it for you would not, nor would
I seek it) to shrink from your own post of duty, during battle but I do not;
I do beg, I do pray you not to expose yourself for the sake of sight seeing
or for any reason without your limit of duty in your sacred calling. As I
have written you before, for you it will require more true bravery to keep
from needlessly being in danger than for you to breast it all. Do be wisely
prudent, my husband for the sake of duty & for your own little
Fanny Fan.
There were so many things I wanted to
put in this letter and I am afraid I shall not think of half of them. In
the eve, Capt. Wood took on but which owing to the move he may not be able
to take to you immediately, I put in a bottle of pickles from Mrs. Colt,
two from Aunt Polly's store. 1 bottle of Quince Jelly, 1 bottle of Cherrie
sweetmeats, 1 tin sardines, box sent by Hettie Swetland! 4 sausages home-made
from grandma. 1 box & note from Miss Hettie Coit with candy made by herself,
even blistered her hand for it, & popcorn from her too. 1 bottle of Peruvian
bark & wine, for you as I hear you are boiling again. Mixed with directions
on it. 4 pair of socks. The sweetmeats I made here last summer. I don't know
as you will favor them but I did the best I knew how for them. Mr. Fouquet
told me how to pack the box. Oh, there were two packages of envelopes &
some writing paper. I believe that was all.
It is after dinner, that is, I went down
& took my dinner & came up so as to write more to you. I am afraid
there will be quantities of things I shall think of after my letter has gone.
I must hurry so as to take it down. Oh, how anxious I feel about the move
of the army and I so fear you will not De as considerate as you ought &
your cold & boils make it so much the more needful. God grant you may
be protected & guarded in and through all. Do not reject advice given
you but be willing to receive it & profit by it. Will you think of this
and act upon it. Don't imagine heeding advice will weaken your power over
others; it will only make it the better. And that is one of the instruments
God uses, to let us have advisors. Think on these things. I cannot commence
to tell you how my heart is with you all the time.
Tuesday.
I took my letter to the cars yesterday
but Mr. Signor told me that Capt. Wood was not to leave till today, as he
was after a deserter. So, of course I brought my letter home with me and
will write some more. The last sheet of it was written in such a hurry that
I thought I'd try and have this plainer.
You cannot think how I dwell with you,
when I come to our room and all its comforts; it seems hardly right, when
you have to encounter such hardships. And though it may seem trivial; food,
too. After the words are on my lips, how Franky would like this, how I wish
he had this. But thinking of all these things will not give you the comforts
I want you to have. And this new move. What does it mean? The accounts are
disheartening enough. I trust you have been cautious, for if we may credit
the papers, the exposures have been terrible. Remember, own one, it is your
duty to take care of yourself. I feel as if I should fly sometimes. I find
that when I am so anxious to hear from you that news comes here, but slowly;
but as far as I can see it is duty to be here. Oh, how I love you all all
the time. I watch and long for letters & now it seems to me I'll pray
mope fervently than ever for fresh strength & guidance. My heart is with
you, my husband, I love you devotedly.
Don't keep my letters. As I have told
you, I will take it as a proof of your love to me to burn them. It would
be bad to have them seen & In the constant moves they might be lost.
Do do be careful & remember about sending for me if you are sick or injured
in any way. It is my right, my husband. You must remember too, and not be
one particle worried about the journey.
You cannot think now finely I got on;
it is really wonderful the quiet unobtrusive politeness given ladies travelling.
Rest assured of it, my Franky. You know I am not timid & we have traveled
so much it is not as if I were a stranger to it. I think I may say not
conceitedly, that I could get alone unusually well. At Washington Fred Seward
would see that I had a pass, and then above and through all, my husband,
you must bear in mind that I am just as surely in our Father's care as if
quantities of people were with me. And do trust fully in this.
What numbers of women do far more than
this journey would be, and in this one respect I think you may feel your
wife's abilities are not less than others. Indeed, my experiences, I am very
sure, is much beyond most.
Were it not for this new move & finance
I should, I think, now risk going with the Capt., for I could return if I
were in your way. But as it is, there is too much doubt & I feel it is
my duty to wait. But remember you have given me your promise if you were
sick or injured to send for me. And I am sure you would outweigh your promise
& the right that God has given me as your wife. Would you hesitate to
trust God's care of me? Is it not so? Remember no one could be with you as
your wife could. Don't imagine I could not make a good soldier, perhaps you
would find me more of a one than you think. At any rate, my husband, I have
right on my side to plead for me & remember immediately if you are sick
or injured.
Your clothing is all here with me, skates
even! Not that I mean you would need them if you were sick or injured, but
you understand I thought it well to have them with me here! I should have
said above, Capt. Wood gave me all requisite directions so the journey, it
is as plain as possible to me. You need not have a moment's worry on that
issue. I am going to send to Capt. Wood to see if my letters are directed
correctly. It is best to be as sure as possible.
I wrote you a long business letter early
in Jan. telling you I had sent down the Coupons (Aunties). I nave a reply
from the bank telling me of their reception, so will you please, if you have
not already, send a check to Mr. Eddy for $105; please attend to it immediately,
I beg of you.
Mr. R.'s check was for $584.66. I believe
I may not have the figures exactly, but it was $500 odd. Four checks I received
from you, $25 each & I had $50. I have sent one of them to H'd [Hartford]
to pay a bill. Ice. There are several bills to be paid but I shall not dare
to send away all the money till I have more from you, in case you should
need me, my dearest one, with you.
Has Charley Bartlett ever paid you that
$50? Deary, I am sure if not, it would be well to write to him to send it
to you & he should do it. I hardly think there is need of being too careful
with him. I am sorry to be obliged to put business in my letter, but I have
to, you see. So if you will please send me some checks for the bills; don't
send too much. You must trust wify; she is a prudent little girl now &
loves to be so, dearly. It is not a task, you know; we are endeavoring to
do it together. Oh, how I love you, my Franky. Don't let this trouble you
for I can fix the things finely here. Only about its ways come soon &
I thought I'd ask you to send some checks. Don't send too much. I will send
you a list of bills & how I have paid them. Remember I am a business
character. Don't let it worry [you] one minute.
It is now after dinner & Richard is
to take me to the cars to give this to Mr. Signor to carry to the Capt. Oh,
it must go to you full, full, brim full & brimming over with deep, earnest
love.
"Can it be," dear husband, that my hopes
as regards here are to be filled. God grant that His guidance may be with
the people's minds & your heart, in case. Oh, now I shall pray for you,
for us & about it, dear dear husband.
The snow has stopped falling & oh
how pure & beautiful it is. Your little wife is most earnestly thankful
that she can tell you she is very well. Indeed, I've been very well since
I've been here; the air is so different from Hd [Hartford].
I wish I knew you were as well, my hubbie,
my dearest one. Now isn't this a long, long letter, but you will love it
all in your heart, I am sure. Dear Franky, how can I tell you how I love
you. Do you know?
I had a letter from Catherine today. She
says all well at H'd [Hartford]. I write very frequently to Ha [Frank's mother];
try always and catch the first mail after I hear from you so as to let her
hear immediately.
Grandma has improved a good deal.
She was measurably after I came. I really felt thoroughly discouraged, but
I am grateful to say she is better. Cannot hear much, but a great gain. Now
she has a cold, but I am giving her your remedies & say successfully,
I think.
Dr. Dewey is very kind and for her he
seems to do, but this time I am doctoring her cold like my Franky. Mrs. Dr.
Hall. The rest is about as usual.
Grandpa takes interest in your work &
I love to go & talk with him. I must hurry down to the train, my own
one. Ever most lovingly
thine.
Fannie Fan